If you’re like me, you did more eating than exercising over the past 8 weeks.  I’ll admit, I’ve been more than slack.  Just to give you an example, I ran less than 300km last year.  That does not count about 50 miles of mountain bike trails.  Even still its pathetic.  So now, we have the Manly Dad Plan.  I stole most of this from Men’s Health, but you’ll find that there are many well-known exercise regimes that incorporate these moves.  Not convinced?  Go read the US Army Physical Fitness Training Field Manual, FM 21-20.  Feel free to copy/print this for your own use.  I’ll be adding comments to this post about my progress.  Let’s get it on.

Complete this circuit 3 days a week (M/W/F, etc). Perform 1 set of each exercise in succession (that means do all the exercises down to the bottom, rest for 2 minutes, then start over at the top).  Each set consists of doing the exercise as many times as you can in 30 seconds (Find a timer and use it. You can download a stopwatch app for your phone.) Use perfect form—DO NOT CHEAT, GO SLOW AND BE ACCURATE — and when your 30 seconds are up, give yourself 15 seconds to rest before moving on to the next exercise. Pay attention!  The first time you do this routine, you’ll need to pause between exercises to reference the material to make sure you’re doing the moves correctly.

Rest for 2 minutes  after you’ve completed the entire sequence (thats 4 times 30 seconds on your timer if you’re too lazy to reset it!). Then, repeat the whole process two more times for a total of 3 circuits per workout. YOU WILL BE SPENT! (For those not accustomed to math, 1 Set of all these exercises at 30 seconds each, with 15 seconds between each exercise, will take you [9x30]+[8x15]=390 seconds. Thats 6.5 minutes per set. You’ll workout about 20 minutes (30 minutes max with stretching and rest periods). If you get tired and can’t continue exercising for the entire 30 seconds, stop and rest for a few seconds, and then resume performing reps until the time is up.

For each exercise, you should start with a weight that you can use to accomplish perfect reps (Typically 10 – 15 pounds).  I stress PERFECT REPS because when you get sloppy, you tend to murder something.  I don’t want to see comments like “I pulled a muscle..”.  Stupid is, and should be, painful.  Some of you spongy bastards may need to start with very light weights or even no weights at all. Not to worry, we won’t verbally abuse you unless you opt to keep sitting on the couch eating potato chips and bon-bons.

If you start this regimen on a Mon/Wed/Fri, then, on Tues/Thurs,  you need to run/jump rope/bike/etc to get some aerobic exercise on the alternate days.  Take the weekend off to recover.  The first week you will hurt. This is good,  (unless you’re stupid and overdo it).  The second week will feel better.  I’ve already passed the sore stage, so bite me. Git er done, FatAss.

P.S. I shouldn’t have to tell you to stretch out for a few minutes. I can’t be responsible for any ID10T issues.

Dumbbell Straight-Leg Deadlift

Grab a pair of dumbbells with an overhand grip and hold them in front of your thighs, arms hanging straight down. Stand with your feet hip-width apart and your knees slightly bent. Without changing the bend in your knees, bend at your hips and lower your torso until it’s almost parallel to the floor. Pause, then raise your torso back to the starting position.

Dumbell Plank and Row

Grab a pair of hex dumbbells with an overhand grip and assume a pushup position, keep your arms straight. Keeping your core stiff and back straight, balance your weight on your left arm as you pull the dumbbell in your right hand up to the side of your chest, bending your arm as you pull it upward. Pause, and then lower the dumbbell. Repeat with your left arm.

Dumbell Front Squat

Stand and hold a pair of dumbbells so that your palms are facing each other and the dumbbell head is resting on the meatiest part of each shoulder. Keep your body as upright as you can at all times. Brace your abs and lower your body as far as you can by pushing your hips back and bending your knees. Don’t allow your elbows to drop down as you squat. Pause, then push yourself back to the starting position.

Dumbbell Push Press

Stand and hold a pair of dumbbells so that your palms are facing each other and the dumbbells are parallel to the floor. Keep your body upright as you bend slightly at the knees, then explosively push up with your legs as you press the dumbbells over your head. Pause, then lower the weights to the starting position.

Dumbbell High Pull

Hold a pair of dumbbells just below the fronts of your knees with your palms facing your legs, your hips pushed back, and your knees slightly bent. With your back flat and arms straight, pull both dumbbells upward as fast as you can by thrusting your hips forward and explosively standing up. Keep the dumbbells as close to your body as possible and bring them up to shoulder height. (At the top of the movement, your elbows should angle out like you’re doing the funky chicken.) Return to the starting position.

Cross Body Mountain Climb

Assume a pushup position with your arms completely straight. Lift your right foot off the floor, then bend your right knee and bring it up under your body, toward your left elbow, without changing the arch in your lower back. Lower your leg back to the starting position. Then raise your left foot off the ground and bring your left knee to your right elbow. Alternate back and forth until time is up. (FYI: If you’re pudgy like me in the mid-section, this move is going to feel uncomfortable.  Just do the best you can.  Think of it as using your thigh to squeeze the fat out of your gut.)

Alternating Split Jump

Stand in a staggered stance with your feet 2 to 3 feet apart, your left foot in front of your right. Keeping your torso upright, bend your legs and lower your body into a lunge position. At the bottom of the movement, your left thigh should be parallel to the ground, and your right thigh should be perpendicular to the ground. Now jump with enough force to propel both feet off the floor. While you’re in the air, scissor-kick your legs so you land with your right leg forward and your left leg behind you. Repeat, alternating your forward leg for the duration of the set.  **NOTE** Some of you, like myself, should do simple Lunges instead of the Split Jump.  Trust me, I tried it, and found that I’m not at the level I need to be in order to do the Split Jump.  If you’ve been sedentary, the Split Jump is not what you need to be doing.

T-Pushup

Grab a pair of hex dumbbells with an overhand grip and assume a pushup position, your arms straight. Bend your elbows and lower your body until your chest nearly touches the floor. As you push yourself back up, lift your right hand and rotate the right side of your body as you raise the dumbbell straight up over your shoulder until your body forms a T. Reverse the move and repeat, this time rotating your left side.

Dumbbell Row

Grab a pair of dumbbells, bend at your hips (don’t round your lower back), and lower your torso until it’s nearly parallel to the floor. Let the dumbbells hang at arm’s length, palms inward. Without moving your torso, row the weights upward by raising your upper arms, bending your elbows, and squeezing your shoulder blades together. Keep the dumbbells close to the side of your body at the top of the movement. Pause, lower the dumbbells, and repeat.

So, that’s it, Gentlemen.  I dare you to do it for 6 weeks.  If you can’t afford to take care of yourself for 30 minutes a day, you probably should consider adjusting your priorities.  I guarantee that after 6 weeks, you’ll feel better, look better, and you’ll probably have to adjust your wardrobe.  Do it for Sanity, not Vanity.

Finally, I want you to add your comments about your progress.  I’ll go first.  If the comments get out of control, I’ll see if I can find some kind of forum so we can all share and keep up.

Good luck!